Story

A few years back one of my classes was cancelled. Me and my friends were sitting in class, each minding his/her own business.

Me:(breaking the partial silence) I want to tell you guys something. But don't think I am crazy.

A: We already do.

Me: Good point.

B: Tell us now.

Me: Ya.You know I had this strange dream last night, where I was running late to reach someplace and this sexy lifeguard, who was a complete stranger, helped me reach there.

C: Big deal.

Me: No he also did me other favours.

B: *cough*

Me: No, not those kind.

C: Then?

Me: I mean I had a deadline to reach this astronomy club and they would not let me enter if I did not get there in time. He worked there so he knew how I had a shot. He played dirty to get me in.

A: Into an ASTRONOMY CLUB? Really? And why on Earth will they have stringent deadlines?

C: And what business did a lifeguard have in an astronomy club?

B: It was a dream people!

Me: No no.. Everything was logically consistent. They were flying us to some country, they had not decided yet but probably somewhere in South America.

C: For a conference or something? Wouldn't they know the venue?

Me: Nah, not a conference they were taking us to launching pads to launch us into space. Different countries were doing it at the time and they were to fly us to wherever they found vacancy. The club also taught us diving and swiming to simulate outer space conditions.

C: That explains the life guard.

Me: Yes.But you guys are missing the point here, it was strange, we had never met before and he risked his job to get me in even though it was clearly my mistake.

A: Wait, that's the part you found strange?

Me: Ya

C: Are you saying that..

Me: Thank you people for not breaking the flow of the narration.

C: But you..

B: Shhhh..Ok ok.. Go on

Me: Thank you. So I was running late and I lost my way and I asked a random guy if he knew the way and this very sexy lifeguard in a bermuda and a shirt with the club's name ,astronomy club, on it appeared out of nowhere and asked me to follow him and started running. I did exactly that. After a few minutes I checked my watch and realized I would never make it in time. We reached this building in which the club was situated on the top floor. When I told him about my concerns he asked me to shut up and climb the stairs. He stayed back.

After a couple of minutes I reached the top floor and there I met a woman who asked me to follow her. She gave me a fake boarding pass and asked me to enter directly without the security check. I had the boarding pass but no ticket. I showed it at the entrance.

The man at the entrance said something and I could not decipher it. I was like 'eh?'. Then he said "Miss Sagarika Ghosh, you know no Bengali?" I turned around and saw that everyone having a ticket showed their ticket along with the boarding pass. Although not mandatory, showing the ticket was customary. That must have made the guard suspicious. While I was looking around I happened to see the woman who had given me the Boarding pass. She gave me a signal and I ran as fast as I could from there before they put me in jail.

I waited downstairs and she joined me. I asked her why the chaos and why was she doing that for me and how did she know me. She told me her coworker Brian had asked her to do so. Then I said, "this? Why in the World would you get yourself into so much trouble for me." She started crying. She said, "As if I wanted to."

I was all arms and legs not able to grasp the situation with a crying woman in front of me.

She started speaking while still weeping. She said, "He asked me to do it. He said, "a woman will come upstairs in 5 minutes. You take the elevator, make a boarding pass with the name 'Sagarika Ghosh' and guide her to the plane." When I refused he pressed my hand against the table so hard that I could hardly bear the pain."

" I have seen him around for years now and not once have I seen him misbehave with anyone, and today he.." And she started weeping again.

We got talking and I really liked her. We even went to have icecream later. But as much as I liked her or sympathised with her for what happened, I could still not understand why that guy did that. His method was awful, no doubt.

A: that is it?

Me: Ya. Then I woke up. But still thinking of it.

B: You don't even know for sure if Brian was the lifeguard.

PS - I have realized using actual Name initials is a dead give away.

Who needs trolls when you have Taslima Nasreen

Make your own judgement.

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I have an option of an admad competition. I made an ad but I looked at the other ads they classy and pretentious (I hate it when I can't do it). I am posting my ad here anyway.

Music Controls me!!

I don't think humans can cry because they are more emotionally evolved. I think all animals in the wild who cried just got eaten up.

New Year 2011 eve party

PROLOGUE

I spent the New Year eve at the customary party in my society community centre.

I entered and This Uncle (Let’s call him X.) was dancing like what can only be described by a video of him. But to keep his identity anonymous I have made this humanoid animation capturing his moves.

The people of my building make all New Year celebrations, well, memorable.

WHATEVER THE MIDDLE PART IS CALLED

As thankful as I was that they did not sing ‘kandi pow’(also known as ‘soni de nakhre sone lagde’) in chorus with Bhajhan instruments in the background, Men correcting each other’s ‘sur’ while singing and Women cribbing later on about how the fellow free spirited women’s absence or low attendance in the practice sessions ruined the surreal experience of chanting kaindi pow in chorus, I must say, there was other stuff.

The organisers of the party had asked me to make a mix cd of songs. After 24 hours of work, keeping everyone’s taste in mind, I prepared

My list

And this is what was finally played

Their list

1. Munni Badnaam hui

2. Munni Badnaam hui

3. Sheila ki jaawaa….

(X comes shouting)

X:”Munni ko badnaam karo”

Everyone: Munni! Munni!

Me: (Munni ke bacche)

My Dad could actually not figure which language Sheila ki jawani is sung, as they would not let it go beyond..”I know you like me..bu..”

And

4. Munni all the way

And the worst part is, their cd player was sequential access and we had to fast forward all songs to get back to Munni and everyone became hyper and impatient in its absence.

I mean seriously, while I was making my mix cd, I thought what will the men do in these songs. All the men were dancing and women were standing and clapping (partially because X had stolen the show and all eyes were on him).

I would actually prefer any other the party I have ever attended, even the one where the room started to shake as the guests started dancing (or was it just loud music?).

Hosts: Don’t worry, it happens often. The room was not a part of the building initially and was attached only later on without any foundation like a suspension bridge.

Me: (well, that is a relief)

I probably liked this one because it was funny to see how everyone had put on a brave face to be polite to the hosts. In all fairness, the hosts did have to pay back more than they had bargained for, by saying “lovely! Lovely!” and “so useful!” to the gifts presented by the overexcited guest who made them open her presents there and then (no exaggeration: she even made them click pictures).

Why was I bored at this party?

1. Topic of conversation

A, B, C, and other capital letters are acquaintances and have no other choice but to be there

A: It’s cold, right?

B: I am feeling warm. May be it’s my new jacket.(yay! my bit is done. Now I don’t need to talk for the rest of the night and won’t be held responsible for any awkward silence.)

C: It’s so much colder outside. The heaters are doing their job well here, and it’s a closed place the CO2 keeping it warm.Blah Blah..*Greenhouse effect*..blah blah..*Global Warming*..Blah Blah.

D: How is college going?

E: Fine. You know, today, I caught a fly with chopsticks :D (least appreciated and generally considered eccentric or awkward).

2. Conversations aimed at you

Women telling me “You have grown thin. Start eating fattening things”. Even if I give them the benefit of doubt that they are “genuinely concerned”, it is rude. I don’t go around pointing out to people how fat they are. This is where I fail to understand social protocol. No really, if it were consistent, the conversation would go something like

Fat Woman: you are thin.

Me: You are appropriately named.

I mean, all animals of a species have the same built..but humans have evolved into different shapes and sizes to generate topics of conversation for tea parties and weddings.

3. Munni badnaam hui:

When this song is played if you are not standing or highly drunk then it will ‘lull’ you to sleep. The beat throughout the song is so consistent. 2 to 3 reruns should be enough for an insomniac of the highest order, but, don’t overdo it as it may lead to nightmares.

EPILOGUE

It was already 12, but, since the people did not get to countdown in chorus ten seconds before 12 (as they were high on Munni and lost track of time)they counted down anyway.

The coup de grace moment

Speech by the President of the Society

Him: Blah Blah..*Grand Success.*Blah blah.*3 cheers*

X:Hip Hip

X:Hurray

X:Hip Hip

X:Hurray

X:Hip Hip

X:Hurray

PS-as you must have figured by now, I did not make the video. But, Discovery guys, feel free to sue me. I don’t mind a tiny lawsuit to meet you guys.

The fear of fairness

I had realized pretty early in my life that the World is not fair. It was in sixth standard and my friend was sad that she worked hard for a test and did not get good marks and she said it's not fair and that 'we' had worked hard for it.I did not very good marks either and nodded along, but in my heart I knew that she was correct and I had in fact not worked so hard for the test. What she said got me thinking and I knew she was right and the World is not fair but it generally worked in my favor or so I thought.

Today our marks for a sem were declared and it has been brought up that the marking was unfair. Our class was given way too less marks than the other section of the same branch. Many students have decided to approach the authorities for re evaluation.

There were a number of things that crossed my mind

What if my marks reduce further

What if the teachers get enraged and give us bad marks in the future

What if the companies who come to the campus do not place us fearing we will report them in a similar manner

I was astounded by the corruptness of my thoughts

I did not want the World or the System to be fair. I just wanted more marks.

Anyone who is reading this has an internet connection and can understand english placing him/her above the poverty line. There are people below it. The World is not fair. You know it. But do we want it to be fair?

I don't have a clear conscience to fight. Should I?